The Heartache of Acceptance

Every morning I take baby and Hank for a walk after breakfast and coffee.  Sawyer sleeps, Hank walks, and I listen to a podcast.  It's great.  We all love it and we all get something out of it.

This morning I listened to this Marc Maron interview with Rosanne Cash.  It turns out that I love her. I never knew her and now I do.  Podcasts are great for people who live in the country.  Also for a new parent. It's hard to get out and we still don't have many friends here. But now I feel like I just had coffee with Rosanne. (Were already on a first name basis.) She talked about all the lives she has lived and the hardship that came along with them. And the heartache of acceptance.  This has been on my mind lately but I haven't been able to put it into words. Well, to be honest I haven't tried. But it describes the cause for the heaviness I get in my chest sometimes. 

It made me think of change and letting go. Of relationships and relinquishing control.  It made me think of everything. Ever. I guess we must accept in order to move on, in order to love. We must accept so we can be easier on others and on ourselves.

Sometimes this can hurt.  It can feel like swimming against the current. Like a boulder on our chests. It can feel like fighting instead of accepting.  I think often we do fight it and beat ourselves up for not just accepting things to be how they are. Or how they've changed. Just accept and it will be so much easier.  But not entirely.

We will never be free from heartache. There are the little aches that will pass; the peas that never come up, the seasons changing. And there are the aches that stick around for days and years. The ones that become a part of us. 

I guess it's living with a heart.